Thursday, October 24, 2013

Not Excited About Money - it's not mine

I have accumulated many titles in my life starting with daughter and continuing with student, wife, mom, CPA, taxi driver, logistics manager, budget manager and the past couple months, I earned a new title.  I received the title, Executrix.  Yes, Executrix is the female version of the title, Executor.  I giggled when I heard that word as I admit that I hadn't been exposed to that word before now.

Both my parents have passed in the year 2013, so it's been a year of challenges.  When my father passed, the will listed my name as the administrator of the estate (also known as the executor).  Luckily, my parents had their ducks in a row and we actually believed that it was smooth sailing.  It has been for the most part except one IRA that had the estate as the beneficiary which threw the estate in probate.  Just a little glitch that wasn't planned.  We thought we had planned well enough that we wouldn't have to go through probate.  No such luck.

So I am learning more than I want to learn about estate process.  However, now the reality is settling in my heart that whatever funds my parents had remaining is mine and my sister's.  It's been several months since their passing, so I've known this day was coming.  I've known the extent of the check for quite some time.  I have to tell you that I am not remotely excited about cashing that check.  I have no plans for the money.  I have no desire to have the money right now.  It's legally mine but in my heart, it's not mine.  I even cry at the thought of having the money and can't imagine using it.

I've been praying for God to open my heart and show me how I should use this money.  I want to use it to glorify Him and honor my parents.  I want to use it for His purpose and not selfishly for my own. I know I will give a portion to God right off the top as it is rightly His.  After that, who knows.  For now, I will do nothing and finish my duties as "Executrix".  That title cracks me up and makes me think of the cereal Trix every time I say it or see it.  Silly Rabbit!  Trix are for kids.  It has nothing to do with estates, but it makes me laugh.  After that, I will wait.  I know God will let me know how He would like for me to proceed.  It feels right to do nothing.


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