Thursday, March 7, 2013

Sibling Battles Challenge my Brain and Heart

This mom of five hasn't learned a lesson yet and I'm being pulled in the middle of rounds of sibling tattle tales and denial.  My shoulders feel heavy from the weight of all the worry.  Have my children pulled me in the middle on purpose?  Or do they have valid concerns?

A month ago I agreed to pay for my Son's gas for his car in exchange for him taking my girls to school.  I thought that was a great deal for him. Free gas and all he would have to do is leave about five minutes earlier for school.  Of course, he agreed but it's been a world of complaints ever since that day and not by my Son.

I would have expected my Son to gripe and complain, but he didn't.  My daughters did.  Every day, they tell me stories about how mean he is to them in the car.  How he yells at them.  How he drives recklessly.  How they have to hold on for dear life.  How he texts and drives.  How they want me to take them again.

So how real are their complaints?  Or is a ploy on my Son's part to anger my daughters so I give in and start taking them to school again?  Or is it not as bad as they report?

Even though I have the title Mom, I don't live with my head in the sand.  I know my children argue.  I know that they try and pull in so I will get frustrated and do it myself.  I know that my Son doesn't drive the same as I do.  I even had a conversation with him about how I'm trusting him with my most precious gift, my children.  I expect him to protect them while they are in his car.  Of course, he's eighteen and I'm sure that's not the language he speaks.  He probably heard, "blah, blah, blah, blah."  I also know that every teenager is tempted by their phone while they drive.  I also know that my Son has texted while he has driven and it scares me but I know he believes he's invincible.  

So I'm conflicted.  My Son denies all wrong doing if I ever bring up any concerns.  He does it skillfully all the time.  So now I have to decide if I get involved?  If I do, how do I get involved?  How far do I take it?  

I could ignore it and let them work it out. I stop paying for his gas and take the girls myself.   I could sit down with all three of them and talk about it and come up with a resolution.  The mature side of my brain tells me to sit down, discuss it and it will be resolved.  The Mom side of my brain tells me that we could sit down, discuss (in loud voices at times) and they would agree to resolve the differences.  Then in actuality, the issues continue, my Son annoys my Daughters and my Daughters bug my Son. 

So my brain needs to quit talking and make a final decision?  Actually, my brain needs to trust my heart.   I just wish they would let me know how to proceed.  In the end, I want peace, personally and in my family. 

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