Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Life on Easy Street - NOT MINE!

You may get the impression that I skate through life down EASY street.  I don't .  My marriage has been rocky at times.  My children make poor choices that mortify me and I don't understand.  One child battles anxiety and challenges me as a Mom to know how to help her.  I personally struggle with pulling myself out of my own personal pits and have struggled with rationalizing it's acceptable to ease the stresses of the day with a a glass of wine which turned into two glasses and then turned into too many.  It never consumed me to the point of no return, but it did get to the point that I consumed a lot of wine and every night.  I did stop and was lucky I stopped when I did.  

Today, I sit in pain as my Son made a poor choice.   I am a big believer in if you make choice then you take the consequence, good or bad.  I have worried about his choices.  He has lacked the ability to relate to others.  He is selfish, which is normal for his age, but an alarm should rings loudly in your ears if you have offended someone around you or if you have over stepped boundaries.  My Son is missing that alarm system.  He doesn't know when to stop.  

Yesterday, the alarm in my Son's head should have rang loudly.  It may have and he ignored it or he just didn't care.  I'm not sure of the details as he did not tell me of the incident.  He told my husband.  At school, he posted an inappropriate video with a dummy on You Tube so now he's worried he will get in trouble.  He told my husband of the incident more as a warning that he might get in trouble at school.  That's the only reason.

I sit here with mixed emotions.  I am in pain as the sweet child I raised had compassion as a small child. He would be my only child who would be concerned for me if he saw me crying as I folded clothes because I had a hard day.  He was sweet hearted.  

I then sit hopeful that he reaps consequences.  I can talk to I'm blue in the face, but he needs to feel the pain of something.  He is graduating from high school this spring so it's a difficult situation.  I can pull car keys.  I can ground him.  I can do other punishments, which I have done all in the past but nothing has worked.  So I have even prayed that God has plans for him and trusted that God is working in my Son.  If my  Son makes a good choice or a bad choice, God knows.  You can't hide from God.  So I have prayed that God will take care of the punishment based on His will and purpose for my Son's life.  I am not trying to walk away from my parental duties as I have taken my duties so seriously over the years and walking away would have been the easy thing to do many years ago.  

My Son's response to every poor choice is that he doesn't drink or do drugs.  My response is that I'm proud that he has made those good choices, but two good choices doesn't make up for all the other poor choices.  He just doesn't understand.  I believe that he's been led astray.  He has become numb to what is considered inappropriate or wrong as society has made so many wrong things "acceptable".  

I believe that society has increased the difficulty level of parenting as children want everything to be fun.  Music, movies, TV and video games tell children today that fun revolves around sex, violence, bad language and destruction.  If you don't have one of these components in what ever you do, it's just not fun or funny.  We as adults fall in the same trap. It's easy to do.  I tried to find a PG movie for my youngest daughter to see in the theater this weekend and I only had a couple to choose from.  Almost all of them were Rated R and a few were PG-13 and only a couple were PG.  Shouldn't the ratio of R to PG movies be the opposite?  More PG movies?

So, I don't have parenting figured out.  I worry about my children.  I cry for my children.  However, I am going to rely on God to take care of them and give me guidance on how to handle these tough situations.  I am at a loss as Mom's get worn out emotionally.  I love my Son dearly.  I just don't like his behavior.  

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